The Author of Marriage

As you may have noticed, one of my favorite things to do at my church is to meet with married couples. I have had the privilege of meeting with some who are planning to be married and some who have been married for a while. I enjoy reminding them of what God says about marriage and helping them work through their struggles. As I have done this I have noticed some consistencies that may help us to understand the nature of conflict.

I think we watch way too many lawyer shows, because we are getting really good at building our case as if we are going to court. It is not very hard to find things that our spouse is doing wrong and we definitely have a list of our rights committed to memory. When things go wrong we naturally want someone to blame and we add that to our case against each other even if it wasn’t their fault.

Many couples will agree that counseling is a good idea, but usually the reason behind this is to find someone who will be a witness for their side, someone who will be able to get their spouse to see how wrong they are. If they do not become aware of their tendency to be constantly building a case it can get much worse, they often will extend their search for a jury. They will speak to their friends and tell them every detail, naturally leaving out any wrong doing on their part. If their friends will not see their side they will sometimes even begin to distance themselves from those friends and will take up new ones that agree with them.

Now, this all sounds almost unbelievable, but I have seen it, the progression is ever so gradual, they really do not see what you may see as you read this. They do not realize that they are slowly being consumed by the need to defend themselves and to defend their rights as they see them.

So what do we do about this? Whether you have found yourself in this description or you know of someone who is headed down this road, I assure you there is hope, but we must stop building a case for the world’s court system. We must begin to build a case in God’s court. In God’s court He is the only one who can truly meet our needs. In God’s court it is not you against your spouse. The case we must build is only for our own actions. Are we being like Christ? Do we love as He does? Are we taking the form of a servant? Are we considering others as better than ourselves? Are we giving up things for the benefit of others? These are the things we will be judged on. But don’t forget another awesome truth about God’s court is that, all we have to do is admit and agree with Him that we have fallen short and He will forgive us on the spot and if we allow Him, He will transform us and the change in us will draw others to Him. So go ahead, build your case, but build it as unto the Lord, not as unto men.