The Author of Marriage

Iam amazed at how important Happiness is to the married couples I meet with. I often hear them say, “I’m just not happy”. Maybe someone can show me, but I do not remember happiness being a biblical ingredient in marriage.

It may be that my definition of happiness is the problem or possibly the solution. I guess when I think about happiness, I think of the things that people usually pursue to make them happy. I do not need to list them here as I know you are very aware of them.

I would hope that the things that Christians pursue are different than the things pursued by people without faith in Jesus. But I am afraid there is not as much difference as you or I would be comfortable with.

It is almost impossible to define the word happiness without using other words that are similar, but in my opinion not the same.

For example “Joy” seems to be more about choice not circumstances. As we see in

James 1:2
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

Even when things are not going well, we can have joy. This kind of Joy comes only from God. It is also the kind of joy that would see conflict with our spouses as a way to know each other better and to learn more about God and His plan for us. The scriptures to speak of both happiness and joy in Psalm 68:3 But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful.

If the two words mean the same thing then why did God use them both in this verse? The use of the word happy here is evidence that Happiness is not all bad.

So why do I have a problem with the pursuit of happiness? I think it is because it seems to be more self focused than joy. Focusing on our selves and our needs 1st is a recipe for a failed marriage.

So in conclusion, Being happy is a good thing, but it should never be the goal in marriage. Joy however can be found if you only just look. Joy can be found even when you are wrong and your spouse is right. Joy can be found when things are going well and when life seems to be giving you lemons, joy helps you make lemonade. How sweet it is to know the joy of the lord.